Confessions of a Teenage Insomniac
by xoAzraelxo
Summary: "It was like something broke inside me. I became lost. And sometimes, I want to be found. I want to scream and rub it in people's faces and tell them I'm not okay. And there are days when I just want to die. Some days I don't want help." AU/All Human.


**A/N: Hey guys! yes, I know its been like two years since I posted anything new on here. stay with me here, please. so this is a new one, probably will stay a one shot, unless I get asked otherwise. **

**yes, I think my writing style has changed so I'm not sure if you will all like it. **

**Disclaimer: SM owns Twilight, I'm just messing with her characters.**

Summary:"It was like something broke inside me. I became lost. And sometimes, I want to be found. I want to scream and rub it in people's faces and tell them I'm not okay. And there are days when I just want to die. Some days I don't want help." AU/All Human.

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><p><em>Lithium- don't want to lock me up inside <em>

_Lithium- don't want to forget how it feels without _

_Lithium- I want to stay in love with my sorrow _

_Oh, but God I want to let it go _

_Lithium- Evanescence_

~x~

I remember the first time I cut. It's funny because you'd think that'd be the one thing I'd want to forget. But memory is there. It never goes away. The feeling, it comes and it goes. I can fight it sometimes, but other times I can't.

And when I don't its either delaying the inevitable or maybe it's me winning. Either way, it happens anyway. I'm still a person. I'm still me. I have friends, I have a family. Broken as it may be.

You see, my parents got divorced when I was seven. It was like something broke inside me. I became lost. And sometimes, I want to be found.

I want to scream and rub it in people's faces and tell them I'm not okay. And there are days when I just want to die. Some days I don't want help.

Ironically, those are the times when people decide to help me. Because of that, my mother, Renée, sent me to live with my father, Charlie. She got fed up with me; I was hospitalized twice by that time. I was thirteen. Charlie knows of course. Renee told him. They played the blame game. Surely it wasn't both of their faults. It had to be the others. So now I lived with Charlie.

Washington was rainy. I loved it. Rain is so peaceful. It's comforting. I'd been doing so well. Those three years. It was going so well. And then he came along. And it all went to shit. Don't get me wrong, he was great, at first. But to say it was a bad breakup would be an understatement. He was charming and sweet when we met. But as time progressed, something changed. I don't know what it was. Maybe it was my fault. But he became mean. Though it wasn't all him. I already lost myself by then. But the breakup was the last straw. It wasn't so much the actual breakup as it was the aftermath. So it was technically a bad breakup.

And now looking back, maybe he told everyone to do it. But now I'll never know. I'm stuck in this place. I wish I had never let him in. then I wouldn't be here. I finally let someone in, and I end up getting hurt beyond belief. And I end up in this place.

You should've seen the look on my parents' faces when they found out. The school notified my parents after they called the police and the ambulance. What's worse, my dad is the chief of police of this little town, so I actually knew the person who picked me up. The most ironic thing ever was that it was his brother who got me.

I was so far gone at that point that I started laughing hysterically. I was handcuffed just in case after that. My mother, she disowned me after that day. She never came to see me. Only Charlie came to visit. He came to visit me once, and let's just say that didn't end up so well.

Let's just say it wasn't my best moment. Solitary confinement; been there, done that, not going back. I mean it was kind of nice; if it wasn't for the straight jacket they put on me. To say I was unhappy would be an understatement. But I digress. That day, I shiver just thinking about it.

A low point in my life actually. All I remember was a lot of blood, water and pills. I didn't mean to do it so badly. All I knew was that I needed to stop freaking out. I needed to calm down no matter what. Maybe though, in my subconscious, I wanted to die. That's the scary thing. Thinking that I wanted to die, and I almost succeeded. But I didn't want to end up here.

I am shaken out of my thoughts when a nurse knocks on the door. "Bella? It's time for group." Reluctantly, I nod and I made my way to the room where everyone else is. "Would you take a seat Bella?" Chelsea, the group leader asks me. I sit down with my legs tucked under me. "Now Paul or Bella, would either of you like to start today?" I stay quiet and Paul starts talking. My name is Bella Swan and I'm in the hospital because I attempted suicide.

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><p><strong>AN: So what do you guys think? should I expand? keep going? let me know please!**


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